tales from an ordinary world

2000-12-24b

Every year, we say "it doesn't feel like Christmas this year", and every year, it seems moreso. I vaguely remember buying christmas presents for the family a few weeks ago - more prepared than usual - then I went back into work mode, knowing the new year was coming, but not letting it sink in. Silly me. 3 friends went off to their home countries, one for good, and I didn't manage to catch up with any of them one last time before they left. I suppose, in a way, it's not entirely my fault - one of them didn't return my SMS, after telling me a week earlier that I should call and we'd catch up...I would have called her a day or two later, but I figured there were probably other things she had to do before she went - she'd get back to me if she wanted to. The next friend was leaving a week later, I was tied up with work, and the last one I only heard from once she was back home.

As individual incidents, it's not so bad. I could talk it all down, away, out of here. But on the other hand if you look at it as part of the bigger picture, there's a heap of other people I let go. Occasionally they came back, months or years later. Usually they're gone. In some cases, there's still the ability to make contact, but as time goes on, I feel sillier and sillier about it. "Hey, remember me ? Just some random guy you once knew...". Even if they respond, most of the time it just seems like they're humouring you. People move on. Situations change. To be honest, looking back on particular years, it's hard to say I really liked what or who I was then, back when I first met some of these friends. Do they know how much I've changed ? It's hard to think they all could have noticed - I try not to make much of a fanfare about the way I change my life.