tales from an ordinary world

2002-12-25

It gets a little easier every year - conversation flows a little better with uncles - but I still find my relationship with my extended family confusing at best. Only one of my eight cousins is male - "eww, boy germs" was all I'd get from the others. I don't remember the teenage Christmases particularly much, but I suppose I found my own way of making it through the day. Nowadays I only see them at Christmas, and I feel guilty not having kept up with their lives the way everybody else seems to have done. I feel like I marginalised myself somehow, but I shouldn't act surprised. This was probably my first act of self-sabotage, the one I'll come to regret the most toward the other end of my life.

I came home tired despite the time and made my phone call nonetheless, just to hear the healing voice. "Steamboat," she said.