tales from an ordinary world

2003-03-21

So many voices on the tram, an endless stream of bravado. Small breeze in cafe alley - winter had arrived overnight. A voice behind me says "this is what I think of when I think of Melbourne." I want to object to this, though - Melbourne's more than just a handful of alleys with cafes stuck in them - good things and bad things abound. Take it or leave it.

Winding my way through yet-to-be-finished entryways towards the new large furniture store, I notice I always seem to feel second best when I pass by other people - I get caught up feeling like they're allowed to look confident or happy or indignant. But somehow, I'm not entitled to any of these feelings, because I somehow haven't earnt it yet.

Night time, and a post-film drink. She explains how she fell together with somebody, followed by the inevitable falling out. When she criticises the guy I'm seeing myself in this, noticing how I've made these same mistakes on either side. It's not quite an epiphany, but I don't know why I didn't notice until now. Sometimes it takes a couple of beers to be able to understand. It's hard to cure somebody of their post-relationship cynicism, summed up neatly by a line from a new Songs: Ohia song, which goes "if heaven's really coming back, I hope it has a heart attack". Cue pedal steel.