tales from an ordinary world

2000-07-10b

"should you awake
to feel like you've never slept
and feel so very old
well don't you feel alone"
Lloyd Cole.

It's the old familiar story. That unshakeable spectre that despite the unstoppable flow of good feelings from friends and family, periodically appears to slaps you around the head and throw you to the ground, saying "this isn't enough, this isn't right, this isn't you, this isn't going to last, you've wasted every good opportunity you've been given and by fuck you'll pay for this, goddamn you."

And so the day goes on. You keep up basic appearances and functions, while most of your brain power is spent panicking and trying to answer that essentially unsolvable question of "so just what is it that I need to change about myself to make things better ? Where do I even begin ?"

...but I repeat myself.

I've been sleeping ok I guess, but I haven't remembered a dream in ages.