tales from an ordinary world

2001-07-31

So I've started reading Christie Malry's own Double Entry, having noticed a reprint of it in a bookshop, the connection coming from Luke Haines doing the soundtrack to a recent film of it - a bit like how I got into Burroughs (through Laurie Anderson), I suppose. Connections can come from anywhere, and in some ways it's the random discoveries (Murakami, and others, that I picked up by chance in a bookshop and came to love) that I feel prouder of, in moments of allowing myself to play the old security via obscurity game, where you feel worthwhile (at least for a short time) for finding the odd hidden gem - "look what I found !"

But the concept of being able to balance one's life...well...I believe in some kind of cosmic balance, I suppose, but one that exists at a greater level than the individual. I feel as if I'll always be in debt - not necessarily monetarily but, rather, morally. The old "catholic guilt" thing - The world owes me nothing, and there'll never be enough that I can do in order to allow myself to feel good about my existence. But I try to do the "right thing". Some times are easier than others.