tales from an ordinary world

1999-09-07

"I want to live
I want to give
I've been a miner for a heart of gold
It's these expressions I never give
That keep me searching for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old."
Neil Young

I should mention last night first. Last night was...one of those journeys back in time where I went and had dinner in Clayton before the radio show, in an old familiar Chinese restaurant. Back in '93/'94 I used to come here at least once a week with my girlfriend, who was living nearby. We ate, we chatted with the owners. We were happy (as far as I remember). In itself, it was a happy time. I wasn't trying to recapture those times, I just needed somewhere to eat. And I hadn't been there in a while. The same people serving the same food - not that this was necessarily a bad thing. It seemed like some sort of safe haven. You didn't feel threatened by the world at large - there was food, there were a few other patrons, the people smiled at you, and generally things seemed ok. Middle of the road, but ok. And that's how it was back then. My life, my whole frame of mind was so different. I didn't really know any better. I just kinda figured we'd go on together, get married one day, do all the usual stuff. Life would be straight and narrow. I had a steady job. We moved to Hawthorn. Things were fine until, gradually, I just failed to cope with it all. Perhaps I'm just not up to this commitment stuff. I'm just a man, after all. We're known for being weak shits, aren't we ?

But I digress - I was talking about Chinese restaurants in Clayton. So many memories, so little time. Or perhaps, to quote Raymond Carver, there's so much water, so close to home...