tales from an ordinary world
1999-09-09
I wander the city streets after work, not really knowing what to do with myself. The rain starts to fall, but I'm deep in thought. As I walk past more and more people, I start thinking about how much I'm missing you (since we were chatting earlier today)...and then about how I'm not supposed to be thinking about you like that nowadays...More and more people sweep past in their flight paths to some evening destination or other. I examine each person, pondering the eternal question, at least in my mind - what is it that motivates you all ? I've always been curious about what drives a person - what's made them what they are now ? and what's currently making them what they're going to be in the future ? I'm wet, but it's a good wet, whatever that means.
One of the things that drives me is music. I need it. I can't get enough of it. But you already know that (and probably wish I'd shut the hell up about it). I wander into Gaslight Music and listen to a Yo La Tengo CD - they fit the mood of the evening so well. I almost miss my stop on the train because I'm so deep in thought. It's still raining, but I walk all the way home in the dark and the wet, through Caulfield Park. Just as I step into the park, the token "we're going to make something that sounds so utterly beautiful it'll nearly bring you to tears" track that Yo La Tengo always seem to put on every one of their CDs starts up. Fortified, I trudge home.
In one of those enlightened moments, Nate said...
The reason these net diaries are so popular these days is that friends just don't have time to catch up with all the mates they'd like to. Publishing these journals means that when you actually get to meet/talk, you don't have to bother with the "so, what you been up to" kind of talk -- you _know_, because you've been reading. Instead, you can proceed immediately to a more intimate level of discussion, eg "So has your boss got any better" or "you seen any more of that hot chick you met on saturday" etc.
...which...is kinda true. I just recently made myself write to a whole lot of overseas friends I used to converse with on a more regular basis. These days, it's hard to feel motivated to write the (more or less) same letter to so many people at once, and as I mentioned to Nate, a year or two back I toyed with the idea of writing one big email and sending it to each of the friends I was keeping in touch with. At the time though, my sense of inner guilt (hereafter known as "my Catholic guilt") kicked in, chastising me for even considering such an impersonal approach to friendships. And even now, I think only one or two of those friends read this journal - other friends of mine read this too - ones I probably wouldn't have written to at all because...well...I don't know. People I'd occasionally run into at various social (or geek) occasions, who I never really keep up with these days...Earlier this year, just after I started this up, one of these friends mailed me saying "I've learnt more about you through your journal than in real life", or something like that. Every now and then, I reflect on that and wonder if I've been doing things right...
I miss having a cat in the house. They're not perfect, but they're good company.
