tales from an ordinary world

1999-10-09

you will go straight to heaven
while I'll probably hang around
let down and uncrowned
Stephen Cummings.

Memories, thoughts, despair attacked me from all sides today, but I was determined to at least be out of the house while it happened - even if it meant I'd be wincing every time I'd walk past couples arm-in-arm and all that sort of stuff. I needed the air. I needed to feel...like I was still part of the world, or something. It was warm and sticky, one of the first days of summer - somewhere, a storm was brewing.

2 hours of work suddenly intervened, which at least kept my mind occupied, after which I wandered down to St Kilda beach just as a few sporadic rain drops began to fall. I sat on a concrete wall near the pier and lit my cigarette. A few people were playing with a dog on a much smaller pier nearby. A girl wearing angel wings sat and watched her friends. Joggers, awkward rollerbladers and cyclists clogged the pathways as I made my way down towards Acland St, where the street was chock-full of the usual weekend crowd. I walked right past an old friend, but somehow it just didn't seem to be the right time to talk to anyone...I wasn't feeling coherent enough...

I walked past a Tarot reading table, and since nobody was there I sat down and had mine read...The lady put a positive spin on things that cheered me up a bit, and perhaps that alone made it worth it. She asked me if I had any questions I wanted to ask, but I couldn't really think of any Big Questions I really needed to have answered - I was more just randomly curious, and besides, I guess I feel that the Big Questions can only be answered from within. Still, it was an interesting experience, and if you've never had your Tarot read you should try it some time.

Today's soundtrack - Spiritual Bum by Stephen Cummings and Deserter's Songs by Mercury Rev (yeah, I finally got it the other week...).