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current listening - Moon Pix

Cat Power, Moon Pix (1998).

"she plays the difficult parts and I play difficult"

I spent all day in a big office, all by myself. As one who attempts to keeps computers (and, by some kind of logical extension, the people who use them) happy, a public holiday like this is a godsend - some quiet time, so while everybody else is watching a horse race, you're running around doing service pack installs on people's PCs, firmware updates on that new tape library, and generally trying to feel like you're acting useful. It's a big room to be all alone in, and after 8 hours of it the world on the tram ride home looks slightly different and unfamiliar because there's other people in it.

"how selfish of you
to believe in the meaning of all the bad dreaming"

So I get home to Tuesday night's TV, which I watch out of the corner of my eye, one headphone slightly removed so I can get an occasional laugh out of some repeated sit-com. But the good mood I've kept going for a good week or so now is starting to falter, and I can feel the uncertainty floating in, like I'd thrown a message in a bottle out to sea, and now I can see it happily floating back towards me instead of finding somebody, anybody, out there.

"I see you looking through me like you've unzipped the zipper"

And when one of the TV shows tackles a particular issue in its usual black, comical way, I can feel the finger pointing at me. "you're like that too ! repent !" After all that, there's nothing to do but listen to Cat Power, and apologize for one's existence

"oh, come child, come and rescue me
'cause you have seen some unbelievable things"

* 22:51 * music